help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
