I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
