This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
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