I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
i need some magic done to my vagina
After tacos, we're chasing women.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Randomize
