i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
