Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
He felt like a one man threesome
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
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