So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
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