I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
