i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
