Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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