why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
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