We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Randomize
