Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
