i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
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Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
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I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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