wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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