She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
We need to get me chipped asap
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
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