how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
