Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
It's shark week go big or go home
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