I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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