There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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