i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
