I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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