Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize