im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
