he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
