Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize