I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Only a mothe r could love this liver
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
home. puking in laundry basket.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
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