when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
