So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
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