I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
