Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
