why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
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