Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
