11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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