I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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