Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
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She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
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the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
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