come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
