i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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