we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
You can't just leave with hair like that
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
