You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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