what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
