you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
