Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Randomize
