Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
