I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
