Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I just got carded by a ten year old.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
