I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
