She's JV to your varsity
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
