I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
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I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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