I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
