I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
you had me at cake vodka
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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