you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
