Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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