I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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