how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
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He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
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i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...