Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things Theyâ€™ve Ever Seen In Public
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.