We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.