Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
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He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
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Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online