I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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