would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
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