you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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