2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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