You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
