Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
