Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Randomize
