the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
