So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Randomize
