My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Randomize
