Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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