question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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