So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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